Our real grievance when we hold a grievance is not for what we lost in the past when we were wounded, but for what we are losing now by holding a grievance. A grievance burns. A grievance hurts. We hold the hurt under the illusion that we can get rid of it by holding it in the mind.
All is change said Heraclitus but then with Aristotle and Western science and religion, everything is fixed. Everything is what is is. A = A. But then Quantum comes along with Buddhism (which was before Heraclitus) and says everything is impermanent or change. Reality is a verb not a bunch of nouns.
But we need nouns to catch a bus. The bus is a noun. I can say catch that noun and everyone knows what I mean. But the catching is the verb, and I am that too. But I cannot say catch that “catching.” We cannot fix a verb. A verb is a wave. But we perceive particles or nouns.
Now, when I name my grievance which is a verb, a changing feeling, unpleasant as it may be, I fix the verb and give it existence. But I cannot remove this noun because it lies in the past, in my memory. I cannot change the past, so I’m stuck with it, with the noun I have named because I have forgotten that before I’m a noun, I’m a verb.
When I recognize that the grievance is a very, a fluid feeling that will change if I don’t fix it, then it goes away because I have not named it and fixed it in its narrative, my past memory of the hurt that I call a grievance.
The truth is that I’m not grieving because I lost something in the past when someone or the world hurt me, no, I’m grieving for what I’m losing right now by holding a grievance our of my ignorance, by my forgetting that before I’m a noun, before I’m defined, I’m a verb, the undefined.