OK, we’re getting personal here, into my story, my Star Wars. We are all living in this epic somewhere. There are material ego’s that seek world power and fame (the Dark Side) and there is the spiritual ego that seeks spiritual power and fame, also the Dark side. The spiritual ego is the most difficult nut to crack because it thinks it is the Light Side. The urge to be special is a life urge, so it cannot be denied. The question is the means. If being special is to be attained through some packaging, strategy, manipulation conscious or unconscious then that implies that you don’t believe you are special, so you must attain it. This is a deep rooted wound, this belief that we are not special. it’s a double-binding wound because if you believe you are special, that is wrong; if you believe you are not special that is wrong. Now choose one or the other or you will suffer.
Obviously, we must choose, so we opt for being special (Ego) or not being special (denial of self worth) Lose/lose either way. So choice and the either/or logic fails us here. Speaking from experience, one has to arrive at the end of the tension between these to opposites that are mutually dependent and realize that there is no choice. Even not choosing is a choice. There is No Exit. Every crutch is kicked out from beneath you. Every belief rug you are sitting on is snatched away. You keep seeing the absurdity of the questions. You keep discovering the choiceless choice…..The inaction in action. You keep discovering stillness.
There is nothing to become. There is no future. You become Now, you become Being now. You are Being and Becoming…a paradox. Life is not logical. Life is not an either/or choice. Your intellect is powerless to know who you are. You are not your intellect. Not your thinking. Not your image. Snow flakes all.
How do. you be a Jedi Knight without the image of being one, without the sense of being something special. There is always this image that wants to cling to the lens of the mind like a cataract. One has to keep letting go of the image of being a Jedi Knight in order to be a Jedi Knight. And there is no guarantee that if you let go of the image anything is there. You may be a nobody. It is the letting go of what’s most important to you that is the Jedi. And one keeps finding the next layer of what’s most important after you let go of what’s most important. You think you have arrived….And that is the next most important thing you have to let go of.
We have to go to the end of the Pirate’s Plank and step off. But no matter how many times we think we have stepped off, the plank appears under our feet again and we are faced again with the abyss. Just step off and Be Here…without apology, regret or hope for a better place.
The great liberation is to be free from the burden of time, which is thinking about the future and your future fate. Wanting to be something is all in the future, and this is an avoidance of being here now. You are OK right now. Nothing you can do will make you better than you are right now. The snow flurries of future will appear again, but with your accumulating wisdom you will see through the storm. There won’t be a white out like you had in the past. The storm of thinking will become transparent to your being here. You will see where you are despite the storm of a better tomorrow. Tell yourself it’s just as flurry. Feel its chill on your joy. Feel the shivers of time and your old patterns. This isn’t real. Turn on your Jedi Sword of discernment that tells the difference between the real and the unreal. The snow storm of the mind is not real.
The last sip of the martini with a lemon twist is the best, for then you get the full flavor of the lemon. While the olive is my reward for drinking the martini, the lemon twist is a metaphor for life that always has a lemon twist, something unexpected, some surprise in the end…a twist. This is why my Martini Priest, my Uncle who ordained me, always said: gin, a dash of vermouth and a lemon twist. These are the ingredients for the Holy Grail.
The world is a mixture of gin and vermouth, pleasure and pain, and its only when you drink the world with a lemon twist do you get the magic. You can’t separate the pleasure from the pain, but we try, of course. We have to drink the whole martini…with the twist of a surprise…and this is the Holy Grail. But you don’t need to make it a quest. Just go to the liquor store and they will fix you up.