Thank you for coming to Happy Hour and sharing communion with me. I shared some of my father’s self-loathing which he passed on to me. I thank my father for all he has given me because I has made me what I am today. You can’t get rid of self-loathing unless you feel its pain and want to transcend it. Self-loathing can create a spiritual path, a yearning that has no second, that has no rest.
The truth is the the Ego itself is Self-loathing. When we invest in our Ego totally, we turn away from out true nature, or God, and experience guilt, which is self-loathing. So I make the radical statement that ego consciousness, which is necessary, is self-loathing, but on a gradient of small to large. Self-loathing says I’m not complete, I need to be better. I need to try, I need to be free of this loathing. This drives our evolution of consciousness. Without self-loathing we would not evolve. Zen says Enlightenment has a trace of ignorance, and ignorance is defined as a turning away from true nature, which is the present moment.
So I thank my father for his gift of self-loathing which has been the thorn that has activated my life’s journey. Self-loathing has become my friend. When it appears, I welcome it and invite it to come in for tea. May my father’s self-loathing (no telling how many generations of this loathing) ends with me. He never got to the other shore. I will complete his journey.
I started out thinking about Trump, and ended up talking about my own father, but maybe that indirectly is talking about Trump, who had a father like mind, except mine wasn’t rich. What little I know about Trump is that his father believed in genetics, or superior genes, which leads me to connect the dots and Trumps father passed his self-loathing down to his son, who then set out to climb above his self loathing on a pile of money. If I get enough money no one will loathe me…translated into I won’t loathe myself. The perfect trap is that you believe you can get rid of self loathing to make people love. you. But in the end they loathe you like you loathe yourself.