Culture is the Merry-go-round. People are born and get on the Round; people die and suddenly are thrown off the Round. Where they come from and where they go is a mystery. Culture creates many religions to explain this mystery and nullify the terror. When we say history repeats itself, we are just getting a sense that we are on a Merry-go-round, an eternal Ground Hog Day.
If I may I would like to try and articulate an “experience” that happened to me at a Muktananda ashram in the late 70s. I was seated in meditation and suddenly my thinking self was an object of awareness. My thinking I was like a worm dangling on a line in front of this vast centerless awareness, yet this awareness had a point of view or center that seemed to be no where. Now there were two Me’s: the thinking self and this awareness that was both this thinker and not the thinking. For an instant this duality of two me’s was there but it could not stand. There can only be One Me.
In an instant this gravitation force pulled the two Me’s upward, if direction is possible, into an indescribable light that, and there was the ONE in an orgasm of Light, then two emerged, and I was my thinking self again but like a moth burnt by the flame, my thinking voice said, “OH, that’s what death is like.”
This eternal instant is still fresh in my mind as though it just happened. I was aware of being aware of, or awareness had turned back and looked at itself. This creates a self-generating energy loop that forced a resolution, and the imperative of existence is: Let there Be One. So the ambiguity of two Me’s created the leap, the very felt pull of the ONE that contained the Two. I knew that is what death was like: the gravitational pull of the One bringing home the Two, which is Light.
For a few days I was in a state of bliss where there was absolutely no conflict in my world, between me as the thinker and the world as my thought. This also precipitated a radical change in my life because I wanted to remarry the woman I had divorced a few years earlier. And we did and still are. She is making chicken soup right now.
The Merry-go-round a good metaphor now to articulate this “experience” of the Me that is the center and this Me that is on the periphery. At the Center there are no objects; on the periphery everything is an object, including me.
This “void” of awareness is like the center of a merry-go-round with words, names and forms circumambulating around it, unable to leave, unable to penetrate. Time and history go up and down like horses on a pole. At death the merry-go-round is sucked back into the center from which it was breathed out.
Children know the Merry-go-round is just an amusement ride, adults don’t. Even though the Merry-go-round of time speeds up and slows down during different situations, the adults never get the idea it is all just play. They can feel the centrifugal force of the wheel pushing them to the edge, and they call that stress, but they can’t feel the centripetal force pulling them to the center. When they do, they call that God. But they remain on the round clinging to thoughts and forms.
The worldly mind feels only the centrifugal force and can’t let go of the poles for fear of being flung off the wheel. The mystic feels the centripetal force and lets go of the horse and pole through a journey of trial and error. The mystic or seeker discovers that when he lets go of the pole of opposites, then energy of the opposites forces are balanced, and he is in kind of a floating sensation, the lightness of Being.