Ah here is the classic double-bind of contradictory commandment that are mutually dependent. (1) the universe says Be Nobody. (2) Society says Be Somebody. God says be humble; society says be proud, be Number One. You can’t obey both commandments at the same time, so one must choose. I either withdraw and become a wall flower; or I become arrogant, a Bill O’Reilly. Can one be arrogantly humble? Some “spiritual” people try this. How does it work out?
Awakening is solving this Zen Koan, the great puzzle of human consciousness. Awakening is a leap to see through these incompatible commandments, like Try to Love, or Try to be spontaneous. What is the inaction in action? What is the choiceless choice? What is the gateless gate? Awakening is a discovery.