Home Alone and now the toilet seat can be left up. But wait, it is now a metaphor for the conflict in relationship between men and women. Up or Down is how a teeter totter works. I want to be UP; she wants me to be down, so she can be Up. There can’t be two UPS at the same time. This is classical logic. You can’t have two UPs at the same time. Everything is a single thing that cannot be another thing at the same time. So the Up or Down toilet seat is a metaphor that I just created that points to the larger problem in marriage.

The man wants to be UP and he feels that the woman wants him to be down. She wants to be UP and she feels the man wants her to be down. The teeter totter of marriage conflicts.Both can’t be UP at the same time. Period. 

Unless they discover a new paradigm for relationship in which they fall into a Holy Union where both are UP/Down at the same time. This is a discovery that one can sustain and actually rest in Ambiguity. When a relationship has conflict its because both want there to be a clear and distinct Up or Down. I’m UP, you’re Down, or vice versa. The struggle has good intentions, because both want that Holy Union, that marriage made in heaven like it was promised at the wedding vows. So where does the conflict come from? We are using the wrong map! 

The map of really that we are using is the one given to us by our materialistic society, the I-IT map where everything, including you, is n object or IT in space/time. On this map we are all just a bunch of ants crawling on a flat map trying to get some where…where are we trying to get..to a perfect of holy union. 

But the map we are using is for ITS. The world is an IT so we can manipulate it, fix it, make it better in time. So we quite innocently try to make the relationship better in time by trying to make two ITs become ONE IT…and you can’t do it. You can’t make two things become a ONE thing. This was the science of Alchemy. How do you make duality non-dual? What or where is atonement? You can’t achieve atonement on a map of material things in time. Atonement is never in the future. 

This talk is about a different map, a map for relationship, for union, and happiness. 

In th Vesica Piscis relationship (marriage made in heaven) both are the other’s center in that intermediate zone that is really transcendent of the two circles.That’s why this zone is in heaven. Heaven means transcendent of earth and its forms, its ITS. Our IT map of earth doesn’t have Heaven on it. Yet we all want to be there. But on our map, heaven is in time, in the future off the map. No matter how far we go on our search for heaven, we ill never find it on our IT map. Heaven is transcendent of form in space and time. Thou is transcendent of IT. 

We all have unconditioned friendships, I hope, at least one, where no matter what you confess to, the other places no conditions on your, has no requirement or measurement of your worth. You are OK no matter what in the eyes of your friend or partner. 

But this OKness is transcendent of the conditioned relationship of two people who are IT to the other. When you see the other as an IT, and the other sees you as an IT, that is a conditioned relationship because all ITs are conditioned. All ITs are defined and have a boundary. There is no IT without a boundary around it that delineates it from other ITS. It means a separate thing. A relationship of ITs was a relationship of conflicts of boundaries. Each IT wants to create a boundless relationship, the One that is TWO, but each IT wants to maintain it’s ITness. Therefore, the other must give up his or her ITness, must surrender, must give in. For me to be UP you have to be Down. That’s the way the Toilet Seat relationship works.